Did they really need to wreck Las Vegas?

Image

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros/Sportsphoto Ltd

BY ANNE GILL

Anthony Lane is my favorite New Yorker film critic. He makes me laugh so hard. I agree with him almost all the time. And I agree with his review of Godzilla.

In principle.

But I found the whole adventure much more satisfying because my fiancée and I decided to be Super Clever and sneak in a bottle of red wine while we watched the movie in 3D. (Obviously in 3D. Who doesn’t want a massive ancient lizard in their face?)

And so, I ask Mr. Lane this: did you consider enjoying a bottle of Merlot in the cinema or – more likely – private screening room?

I believe this small addition to our personal viewing experience increased our enjoyment of the film ten-fold. The wine caused us to repeatedly lean in towards each other, 3D glasses knocking, and whisper sweet nothings such as: “Whoa!” and “Cool!” and “Hahahaha! Amazing.”

We are adults. We don’t do things like get stoned before going to the movies, or try to sneak in cans of Dutch Gold. Adding a bottle of nice red wine, however, could be the savior of the summer blockbuster (Or white. Your choice. But keeping white wine cold might be an issue.)

Red wine blocked unimportant questions such as: “Did they really need to wreck Las Vegas?”

And pesky statements like: “Seriously? There is no way they would find each other in that stadium so easily.”

Sipping our twist-top Merlot, we didn’t much mind that a good twenty minutes were devoted to saving a tiny Japanese boy who served the plot in NO way except to allow Aaron Taylor-Johnson the chance to show us how beefy he’s gotten since Kick Ass. Without those twenty minutes, we may not have enjoyed quite so much of the bottle as we did.

A mellow wine buzz allowed us to care a bit less about the script (something that niggled Mr. Lane), and more about the spectator sport of a film like Godzilla. Yes, the heavy hitter actors were wasted; yes, the script was formulaic; and yes, we’ve all seen monstrous creatures attack California before.

But try it on red wine.

None of that matters so much. Act like a teenager, drink like a grown-up. Throw on your 3D glasses, steal some paper cups from a Subway (our choice) or a Starbucks, twist open your wine, and you will feel better about spending €12 to watch a computer animated San Francisco crumble.

For Anthony Lane’s take on Godzilla:

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/cinema/2014/05/26/140526crci_cinema_lane

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s