Keaton Birdman

Photograph: Atsushi Nishijima/AP

I wanted to see Exodus. It didn’t need to be Gladiator, as long as it wasn’t as bad as Noah. I thought maybe Ridley Scott could do it. I was worried, sure. I mean, they made Moses and Pharaoh grow up together and become rivals. You know, the usual. But I thought: maybe it’s still okay. But that’s what I thought before we saw Noah, and there comes a point when you have to remember how you felt, when you can’t gloss over it and make the same mistake again.

So we went to see Birdman instead.

Now there’s a film. I don’t think I’ve come out of the cinema with that feeling since Adaptation. You know that feeling, where you wonder: did I enjoy myself? Was that a good two hours? Am I not happy?

I’ve had a night to sleep on it but I still don’t know. I’d give all the actors an Oscar. Keaton Best Actor. Norton Best Supporting Actor. Stone Best Actress. Watts and Riseborough Best Supporting Actresses. I’d shoot whoever decided to put so much percussion into the movie.

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